yet another blog

To my old-fashioned way of thinking, for commercial enterprises “service” should to a large extent equate to providing the customer with what the customer actually wants.
Apparently it doesn’t work that way with takeaways.

Now I’m not a great fan of takeaway food, but over the past few years I’ve frequently found myself in situations where that’s the only viable sustenance option.

So there I am with a bunch of others and someone proposes ordering a takeaway for delivery.

Nine times outta ten I’ll go for the beefburger option - straight beefburger, in a bun, with onions… and nothing else!
(Got a bit of a weakness for these, I have to confess. Almost certainly harks back to the days of my mis-spent youth when, returning home after a night on the town, and considerably inebriated, I’d find myself stopping at one burger bar after another, such that my homeward trek of some miles was one continual munch.)

Now, I’m a very simple person, with very simple tastes. So I’ll repeat: straight beefburger, in a bun, with onions… and nothing else. Not difficult, you woulda thought.
So guess how many times what I get is beefburger in a bun sure enough, plus cheese, plus salad, plus relish.
Or sometimes without the relish.
Or sometimes (more often than not) without the onions.
Or with cheese, and tomato ketchup.
Or sometimes without the cheese.
One time I even got all the trimmings above, plus an egg! But no onions.

How many times do I get what I’ve actually asked for. It doesn’t happen! The default seems to be beefburger in a bun with a slice of cheese, and ketchup.

Now if that’s what I wanted, surely I would have asked for it?

So what’s wrong with takeaways? Does working in one preclude the use of ears, or a brain? Have they never heard of giving the customer what the customer wants?
And since when did the cheeseburger transform into the standard beefburger?

Nor is this curious behaviour confined to one particular takeaway. Over the years I must have tried every one in town - all of them seemingly incapable of actually providing what I’ve ordered.

P’raps there’s just one lot of incompetent people and they spend their entire time working in every takeaway in town. Or maybe they’re all thick. Or could be there’s a conspiracy against me personally.
Now you could argue that its me that’s the stupid one, cos I should have learned my lesson by now. I suppose in a sense I am, as I can’t seem to stop harbouring a misplaced optimism that “perhaps, this time, they’ll get it right”. Or possibly I’m just a grumpy old man.

Whatever, I sometimes fear this perverse desire on the part of seemingly all takeaway staff to not provide me with what I (usually quite politely) request may be just enough to make me turn vegetarian (said with all due respect to my many vegetarian friends). Saying which, I wonder if I ordered beefburger in a bun with onions and nothing else and without the beefburger I’d end up with a salad roll?

What it all boils down to I think is a deep-felt burning resentment at having someone else’s food fads imposed upon me not only without my permission but also against my expressed wishes.
One day I’m gonna order a hundred of the little buggers (sorry, burgers) then return them unpaid-for on the basis that what I get isn’t what I’ve ordered. Perhaps that’ll teach ‘em!